Episode Transcript
[00:00:05] Speaker A: Welcome to the Poweredge podcast, where power is refined, impact sharpens, and leaders move from success that performs to powerful legacy.
[00:00:25] Speaker B: Hello and welcome.
I'm your host, Alara Sage.
And today I want to play at the edge.
So when I named this podcast the Power Edge, what I was referring to is where duality meets.
Where duality meets God, creation, source.
Truth is revealed, power is experienced, creation is felt.
So I wanted to play in some levels of duality because there's so much to learn from this playfulness.
So today we're going to play in the duality of surrender on one side and discipline on the other.
I find that generally people are kind of more one than the other. They are either highly disciplined and tend to fall into levels of force and control because of that discipline, or they are surrendered and therefore they fall into going with the flow, giving in, being a little blase about things, not holding perhaps high standards. So what we want to do today is find where these two concepts meet.
So we're going to play in this. We're going to play in the various different definitions of each of these words, because if you've ever noticed, a given word has multiple definitions. And sometimes in the definition of that word, there is duality. There are opposing definitions which are very intriguing.
So let's start with surrender.
And before I read what surrender is defined as, I want to share my own personal experience with surrender.
So surrender to me came largely, well, innate in myself when I, throughout my life, had intuitive hits that I was able to hear and follow.
And there's a level of surrender that's required for that. A lot of these intuitive hits were major pivots in my life, and I had to surrender to that process without knowing what was going to happen, right? Like divorcing my partner, divorcing my husband, leaving the country at 19 to travel the world. I didn't know the outcome of any of those choices.
I simply made a choice based off an intuitive hit and surrendered to the process.
But surrender also came in when I would find myself in a state of resistance with myself in a state of resistance with my reality, where I would begin to become aware that I was trying to control the situation.
I was trying to force something based off of an idea, a concept, a perspective that I had that was creating the conflict.
So I had to learn how to let go of control, let go of force, and surrender.
And in that particular analogy, in that particular experience, I found it very challenging.
So I found surrender very easy.
When I had an intuitive hit, I knew it was what I was supposed to do. And I surrendered to the process.
And therefore I really thought I had a clear relationship with surrender. Like, ah, I can surrender. Done it a million times.
But when I came into these moments of self awareness where I could feel that I was in a state of resistance, I was creating conflict for myself and for my life somewhere, whether with another person or just with my own life.
And I had to surrender in those moments. All of a sudden it felt like giving up, giving in, it felt disempowering.
So the same concept, surrender, felt empowering in one experience and disempowering in another.
Surrender, I just googled it. So this isn't necessarily a particular dictionary or anything. And I did this on purpose.
Surrender generally means is how it starts off with. Surrender generally means yielding control, giving up possession, or officially admitting defeat.
So even in that one sentence, those are very different experiences. Yielding control is what I was speaking to the first time.
Control is ultimately an illusion. So you're not yielding anything, you're actually just giving up on your illusion, giving up possession, right? This feels disempowering.
You're giving up possession of something.
We're officially admitting defeat, right? That feels much more like the weakness, the giving in that we often pin to the word surrender. We often believe that surrendering means admitting defeat.
So just pause for a moment here and notice which one first comes up for you.
When you think of the word surrender, what is the first thing that comes up for you?
It's not right or wrong, good or bad, it's just self awareness.
And whatever one comes up for you, I invite you to explore one of the others. Okay, so for instance, if officially admitting defeat comes up for you, as that's what surrender means to you, I invite you into what if it meant yielding control, a control that you never actually had, how does that change your perspective of it?
How does that change your relationship to it?
If you're trying to control something that can't be controlled.
And you actually just let go of that, let go of trying to control it, what would happen for you?
Conversely, if you can yield control very easily, so much that you are the type that identifies surrender with that, what if it meant admitting defeat?
What if your surrender is actually giving up, Admitting defeat when maybe you haven't been defeated, what changes for you if you begin to see it that way?
So then we have the other word that I wanted to play with today.
Discipline.
So discipline, to me, my own personal experience, I was very disciplined as a child.
I was straight A student. I did all the things I was supposed to do.
I had very high work ethic.
I worked at a young age and I worked through all of high school. I had multiple jobs. I paid for my own phone, I paid for my own car, I paid my bills, I did my things. I did very adult things. I was disciplined.
I've always been disciplined about getting up and going to the gym, waking up early, doing the things that matter to me.
And then later in life I started to notice through self awareness how sometimes I would hang on to discipline when the truth was it was turning into force or control.
Discipline can be very controlling.
I think pretty much everybody could agree with that.
When does discipline become control and no longer serve you?
Because discipline can be very nurturing, very self supportive or it can and it can and it can be self detrimental.
So an example of this is one week recently I was pretty tired. It was one of those weeks where you just have that kind of bone tired.
I was not sleeping very well, which is not normal for me.
But it wasn't just the sleeping. It was just that bone tiredness that you get sometimes.
And I fast five days of the week, 18 hours and I work out six days of the week.
That's my discipline.
I wake up early in the morning, I meditate, I fast, I work out. I have very clear discipline for myself, of my standards, of how I live my life.
But in this week I was tired.
Now I didn't just submit and surrender and admit defeat and not do any of my discipline.
Because that's easy to do too.
This is why we're having this conversation.
Oh, I'm tired.
Forget it all.
And we've all gone through those yo yo times of our life and perhaps even particular goals or desires that you yo yo on, whether it's your weight or your relationships or one particular way that you need to show up for yourself, that you kind of like do it and you do it and then you don't.
And then you do it and you do it and then you don't.
That's this is that conversation, the discipline and then the surrender and then the discipline, this render, the discipline, this render. And you kind of never really get anywhere because you're just going back and forth. It's like tug of war where the two sides are of equal strength and it never gets anywhere.
And this is what this is. Duality causes a tug of war internally. This is why it's so important to understand these concepts beyond just concept, to actually experience them in your life.
Because I could have just said, you know what I'm Tired, I'm not going to do any of it for that week.
And you know, that's not wrong if that is what is truly nurturing to yourself.
But when I asked my body, you're tired, do you want to work out? Do you want to fast? It said yes to both of those. Even though it was bone tired.
I was a little bit softer in my workout.
I think I was a little bit softer on the fasting.
In some days that softness was there. Maybe I didn't fast as long or I didn't work out. I didn't. I tend to work out to, what's it called, like failure, you know, where you're working out till your muscles can't anymore.
And some days I didn't do that. I worked out, I was just tired.
And other days I did of that week, just. This is all just within a one week.
Because every day I was asking myself, what is truly nurturing to me? Is it discipline or is it surrender?
And it wasn't either one of those to the extreme.
It was somewhere in the middle.
And then after that week, all of my energy returned.
So discipline as it's defined on Google is the practice.
And this is interesting because it doesn't say usually means on this one, it just goes straight into.
Discipline is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior.
That's interesting. And the mental ability to control oneself and work toward a goal despite momentary feelings.
Rather than mere punishment.
Its root is meaning is to teach like a disciple, right? Discipline, disciple helping individuals internalize habits that lead to long term success.
Now the root of words is always very, very interesting.
So if the root of it means to teach, but it can also mean.
To train to obey rules.
That sounds very controlling, doesn't it?
To obey rules. Well, whose rules and trained to obey rules is very different than teaching from my perspective.
And self. And then it says and the mental ability to control oneself. Again, there's a difference between discipline that comes from inspiration of self or inspiration from somebody else.
You're inspired by somebody else's whatever it is. And so you are, you become disciplined or you inspire yourself. Inspire discipline versus forced discipline.
You know, my boys always say, and I agree with them, they always say how they prefer to do something on their own time.
So instead of saying, hey, go clean your room, right? It's like, hey, your room needs to be cleaned.
Great. They'll do it and they do it.
They might not do it that exact second, but they get it done.
And then they feel self inspired versus controlled.
And I'm the same way, which is why I create that for them. I hate being told what to do. I am not a person who responds well to being told what to do. I never have been and most likely never will be. But I can self inspire very strongly, right? So notice right now, are you a person that self inspires? Again, there's no right or wrong. None of this makes you better than or less than. It's all about self awareness, where your strengths are, where your weaknesses are, to become a better leader, right?
So are you self inspired? And then if you're self inspired, do you have the level of self awareness to not force or control yourself, to actually question if something is nourishing to you in the moment and really lovingly support yourself instead of control yourself?
Notice that? Or do you just create a thing and you have to stick to it no matter how you feel, no matter what's going on in your body, show up. There's no excuses.
That's not bad or wrong.
It is.
Or are you not self inspired?
Do you need somebody else to tell you? And if you're a leader, that's most likely not true.
So maybe we can just let that one go completely.
Because leaders need to be self inspired and self disciplined, correct? We all know that leaders inspire other people through their own discipline.
But you can inspire other people through your own discipline, or you can inspire other people through your own self, your own control, your own force, and you can run yourself into the ground. This is where exhaustion, burnout, overwhelm comes from. Because people aren't listening to themselves. They only know go.
They only know the rules that they created that they must obey for themselves. And if they don't, they're somehow a failure and they don't know how to actually listen in the moment.
You know, that week went by and I was right back into full throttle workouts, full throttle fasting.
I didn't lose any ground, I didn't fall off the wagon. None of that happened.
It actually is more likely to happen when we force and force and control and control and then our bodies give out and we get sick or something happens where we have to stop, Right?
So that's discipline.
So notice where are you in this concept of discipline? Are you the one that self inspires in and is able to hear the conversation with yourself, is able to make minute adjustments and understand what is truly serving you? Or are you the one that's in self discipline and you're also in control and force and that's always worked for you?
And what happens if you were to invite the other perspective or invite a different perspective, are you self inspired, self disciplined, but sometimes too gentle on yourself, too soft, like that week, you would have just given yourself the whole week off of everything and just whatever, it doesn't matter.
So let's take a moment to go back to the surrender, okay?
And the root word here, Sir, meaning over and above, super, over and above, surrender, over and above. That's interesting, is it? Not render meaning to give back, deliver or yield.
So to give yourself over.
So what are you surrendering to?
What are you giving yourself over to?
If you're in a state of surrender, your own wisdom?
Are you giving yourself over to something that is intuitive, something that is already known? Are you giving yourself over to your passion, surrendering to your passion, surrendering to, you know, what you're creating, your goal, your business? Because that too is a surrender, right?
When you're very passionate about something, you have to surrender to it.
Like all of the great geniuses, I always speak about this because how many times did they fail?
You know, Thomas Edison is like a thousand times to make electricity. I don't know if that's true, but I've read that so many times, a lot of times, let's just say that they've all failed. A lot of times they had to surrender to those failures over and over and over again. Are you surrendering to that? Are you surrendering to your passion? Are you surrendering to a belief structure that doesn't serve you anymore? What are you surrendering to?
Or are you not surrendered and therefore you're not giving yourself into anything?
Interesting perspective.
If you're not surrendered, if you're just in control and discipline, you're not giving yourself to anything.
Are you all in?
That's a good question.
So back to discipline, right? The root of learning. What are you learning through your discipline? Are you learning something through your discipline? Or is it just a way to control yourself, to manage yourself, to feel safe?
What are you learning through your discipline?
What are you gaining?
You can even put it that way.
What are you gaining through your discipline? Right? If you're working out regularly, are you gaining muscle or are you just disciplined and you're going through the motion, you're not getting any muscle or you are gaining muscle, right? You're gaining health.
Are you gaining a sense of repetition, right?
Because that can feel good too. Like this is what I do every day, that repetition.
Some people absolutely love repetition, and that's enough for them.
Is that repetition teaching you anything? What happens if one day you don't have that repetition. What happens if one day your discipline falls apart? What do you learn then?
What are you learning? What are you gaining from your discipline?
And where can you surrender more in your discipline?
Where can you give yourself over to your discipline even more?
And where can you discipline your surrender?
What can you gain from your surrender? What can you learn as a disciple of surrender?
Do you see what we're doing playing back and forth? Where do these two come together?
To learn from surrender, to be a disciple of surrender, to surrender to learning.
Where are they different?
To learn from surrender to surrender to learning.
And where is surrender? Giving in, being defeated, giving up, rolling on your back?
That's not being a disciple of surrender. That's being a disciple of defeat.
And where is surrendering to discipline, entering control?
That's not surrendering to gaining something.
That's rigidity, that's force.
That's a lack of flexibility.
No leader can be inflexible.
Not a true leader.
You'll break. Something will break. Just like the trees that have to move with the wind.
Everything must be flexible because nothing ever remains the same. Everything always changes.
So if you surrender to control and force, something's going to break.
Or giving up to control or force, breaking something, breaking or breaking other people or breaking coherence within your business, breaking the coherence of other people within teams, breaking with the rigidity of control.
So the power is where these two meet.
And you can be in a state of surrender and disciplined within the surrender, learning in state of surrender.
And you can be surrendered in discipline and disciplined and fully in that process of discipline. In the moment, it doesn't have to look like anything. Discipline doesn't have to look like anything.
Single moment is dynamic.
Fully surrender to the discipline. Surrender to that learning.
When you embody both and you understand both of them viscerally, experientially. Now you're a leader who can be surrendered and disciplined and now you embody power.
Well, that was fun. So thank you for going on that journey with me.
Until next time, much love.
[00:28:33] Speaker A: Thank you for listening to the Power Edge podcast with host Elora Sage.
Connect with us on Instagram at the Power Edge or on YouTube @Alara Sage.
